1 00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,379 I don't believe this. 2 00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,638 Why did you pull over? We could've lost him. 3 00:00:18,850 --> 00:00:21,340 Dad, keep quiet and let me handle this, okay? 4 00:00:27,103 --> 00:00:29,059 Hello, ma'am. You know what you did back there? 5 00:00:29,312 --> 00:00:31,517 Look, I know you have to do your little dance, but here. 6 00:00:31,729 --> 00:00:33,104 Let's just get this over with? 7 00:00:33,355 --> 00:00:34,915 You know, we all have to share the road. 8 00:00:35,106 --> 00:00:37,061 - When you drive like that you're- - Yeah, yeah. 9 00:00:37,273 --> 00:00:39,941 Not just a risk to myself, I'm a risk to others. 10 00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:43,729 Listen, I work in a law firm, I know my rights. 11 00:00:43,942 --> 00:00:45,601 Just give me the ticket. 12 00:00:46,234 --> 00:00:47,692 - Okay. - Thanks. 13 00:00:47,901 --> 00:00:50,687 Excuse me, officer? 14 00:00:50,902 --> 00:00:51,981 You ever kill a man? 15 00:00:55,529 --> 00:00:56,524 Dad. 16 00:00:56,738 --> 00:00:58,778 You know, some lowlife you got cornered in an alley. 17 00:00:58,988 --> 00:01:01,656 He's thrown down his gun, he's begging for mercy, 18 00:01:01,906 --> 00:01:04,574 but you empty your clip right into his chest anyway. 19 00:01:04,824 --> 00:01:06,304 You figure, "Who's gonna know, right?" 20 00:01:06,491 --> 00:01:08,233 Oh, you make me sick! 21 00:01:08,492 --> 00:01:09,771 - Sir, I don't- - You know what? 22 00:01:10,034 --> 00:01:12,025 The faster you write, the faster he stops talking. 23 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:19,575 Guess who bought a token from yours truly today? 24 00:01:19,787 --> 00:01:21,743 - Who? - Guess. 25 00:01:21,954 --> 00:01:23,495 - I don't wanna guess. - Guess. 26 00:01:23,747 --> 00:01:25,702 - I don't wanna play this game. - Just guess. 27 00:01:26,998 --> 00:01:29,072 - Lou Ferrigno. - No. 28 00:01:29,665 --> 00:01:30,827 Sally Struthers. 29 00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:34,659 Ann Landers. Nice lady. Took the L train. 30 00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:36,073 That's a great story. Thanks. 31 00:01:37,376 --> 00:01:39,581 Hey, come on, the game starts in two minutes, let's go. 32 00:01:39,794 --> 00:01:41,370 Why are you in your uniform? I thought you had off today. 33 00:01:41,628 --> 00:01:43,784 I did, but I just came from P.S. 679. 34 00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:45,959 I was talking to some kids about fire safety. 35 00:01:46,212 --> 00:01:47,622 Until 6:30? 36 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,670 Yeah, well, the teacher kept me after school, 37 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,085 if you get my drift. 38 00:01:52,464 --> 00:01:53,662 She has no control over you. 39 00:01:53,882 --> 00:01:55,540 You're not a student. 40 00:01:56,757 --> 00:02:00,124 You are like a boy in a man's body. 41 00:02:00,342 --> 00:02:02,417 - Hey. - Hey. 42 00:02:09,678 --> 00:02:11,966 Dougie, your wife and I had a little run-in with the law. 43 00:02:12,221 --> 00:02:14,093 I'm still all hopped up. 44 00:02:14,305 --> 00:02:16,131 I'm gonna go do some Tae Bo. 45 00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,170 What happened? 46 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:21,546 I got a ticket. 47 00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:22,803 Another one? 48 00:02:23,016 --> 00:02:25,801 Doug, I'm really not in the mood for a lecture right now. 49 00:02:26,059 --> 00:02:27,899 - You got another ticket? - That's what I said. 50 00:02:28,101 --> 00:02:30,141 - Well, how much? - Three hundred and fifty dollars. 51 00:02:30,352 --> 00:02:32,592 - Let me see the ticket. - Here. Enjoy. 52 00:02:32,811 --> 00:02:35,479 "Wanton disregard for public safety"? 53 00:02:35,645 --> 00:02:38,217 Honey, I warned you not to be wanton. What happened? 54 00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:39,635 Nothing. 55 00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:43,020 I cut off a school bus to make a U-turn. 56 00:02:43,273 --> 00:02:44,517 You cut off a school bus? 57 00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:48,108 They were fifth-graders, it's not like they were in kindergarten. 58 00:02:48,144 --> 00:02:50,182 They know how the world works. 59 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,858 That's your fourth ticket this year. 60 00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:53,858 Doug, this one was not my fault. 61 00:02:54,068 --> 00:02:55,894 Oh, not your fault? Then whose fault was it? 62 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:58,315 Okay, well, for your information, 63 00:02:58,528 --> 00:03:01,895 the bus had all these stupid keep-kids-off-drugs stickers 64 00:03:02,112 --> 00:03:03,855 on the back window, it was very distracting. 65 00:03:04,071 --> 00:03:07,272 Right, like last time, when you were blinded by that guy's brake lights. 66 00:03:07,531 --> 00:03:09,439 Oh, like you're the perfect driver. 67 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,648 Yeah, yeah. I have a perfect driving record! 68 00:03:11,866 --> 00:03:14,236 That doesn't mean anything! 69 00:03:19,243 --> 00:03:20,523 Oh, here's some delightful news. 70 00:03:20,744 --> 00:03:22,704 I just got off the phone with our insurance agent, 71 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,826 and if that ticket goes through, our rates are gonna double. 72 00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:27,317 Double. 73 00:03:28,371 --> 00:03:31,204 Times two. 74 00:03:31,789 --> 00:03:34,492 Well, did you tell them about the stickers on the bus? 75 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,076 Are you listening to me? 76 00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:39,040 Forty-five hundred dollars a year for car insurance. 77 00:03:39,291 --> 00:03:41,615 That's-We should be buying a boat for that kind of money. 78 00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:44,501 I should be setting sail every weekend. 79 00:03:44,918 --> 00:03:47,040 If I buy you a boat, will you shut up? 80 00:03:48,002 --> 00:03:49,002 Do you know what you are? 81 00:03:49,211 --> 00:03:50,851 It's right here in our insurance pamphlet. 82 00:03:51,045 --> 00:03:53,713 You are a "persistent violator." 83 00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:58,082 That means you violate persistently. 84 00:03:58,589 --> 00:04:00,415 Honey, are these yours or my dad's? 85 00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:01,668 No, they're your dad's. 86 00:04:01,882 --> 00:04:04,881 And I told you, don't let his underwear touch my underwear. 87 00:04:08,134 --> 00:04:09,793 Hello? 88 00:04:10,010 --> 00:04:11,800 Yeah, this is Carrie. 89 00:04:13,678 --> 00:04:15,087 Hi. 90 00:04:16,845 --> 00:04:18,801 Oh, you know what? I'm really busy. 91 00:04:19,013 --> 00:04:21,170 I don't think I can. 92 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,470 No, I can't. 93 00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:24,843 Okay then. 94 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,628 - Bye-bye. - Who was that? 95 00:04:27,891 --> 00:04:30,759 That was the cop who pulled me over today. 96 00:04:30,975 --> 00:04:33,180 Claims he's thinking about applying to law school, 97 00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:35,633 and since he knows I work in a law firm, 98 00:04:35,852 --> 00:04:38,092 he wanted to take me to dinner to pick my brain. 99 00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:39,306 - Really? - Yeah. 100 00:04:39,519 --> 00:04:41,559 I mean, it was so obvious he was calling for a date. 101 00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:43,050 Could you believe that? 102 00:04:43,312 --> 00:04:46,347 - He didn't see your wedding ring? - No, I was wearing gloves. 103 00:04:46,605 --> 00:04:49,806 Hey, I got asked out on a date. 104 00:04:52,690 --> 00:04:54,978 Right, right. 105 00:04:55,483 --> 00:04:56,811 What's the matter? 106 00:04:57,067 --> 00:04:58,809 - No, I was just thinking. - What? 107 00:04:59,068 --> 00:05:00,063 Don't kill me now. 108 00:05:00,276 --> 00:05:02,481 Maybe you should have dinner with this guy. 109 00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:06,065 You want me to go on a date? 110 00:05:06,278 --> 00:05:07,958 No, not a date, as far as you're concerned, 111 00:05:08,154 --> 00:05:09,813 it's just a dinner to discuss law stuff. 112 00:05:10,071 --> 00:05:13,734 But then, while you're eating, you guys talk, you smile, you laugh. 113 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,401 I mean, the night is just magic. 114 00:05:18,366 --> 00:05:20,736 Then, next week, when you go to court to contest the ticket, 115 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:23,902 he doesn't show up to testify because he's sweet on you. 116 00:05:24,117 --> 00:05:26,109 And, bye-bye ticket. 117 00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:27,488 It's a perfect plan. 118 00:05:29,786 --> 00:05:31,943 - Is this guy good-looking? - Not really. 119 00:05:32,203 --> 00:05:33,946 It's a perfect plan. 120 00:05:35,371 --> 00:05:36,912 So that's what I'm worth? 121 00:05:37,122 --> 00:05:41,330 You're willing to pimp me out to save $4,500? 122 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:44,207 No, $4,500 a year. 123 00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:47,750 It takes five years to get a ticket off our record, 124 00:05:47,959 --> 00:05:50,993 and that's if you never get another one, and let's face it, honey, you will. 125 00:05:51,210 --> 00:05:53,664 So actually, I'm pimping you out for a minimum of $20,000. 126 00:05:53,877 --> 00:05:54,872 That's minimum. 127 00:05:56,378 --> 00:05:57,498 I don't know. This is crazy. 128 00:05:57,712 --> 00:06:00,746 I mean, what if he calls after the date, and wants to go out again? 129 00:06:01,005 --> 00:06:02,565 You just put him off until after court. 130 00:06:02,755 --> 00:06:03,750 You let him down easy. 131 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:07,129 You tell him you met somebody. A big fat guy. 132 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,417 Can we really do this? 133 00:06:09,674 --> 00:06:11,831 Of course we can. Hey, you're an attractive woman. 134 00:06:12,050 --> 00:06:14,622 We knew we'd have to use that sometime. 135 00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:18,338 All right. 136 00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:19,872 But he's not getting up my shirt. 137 00:06:20,053 --> 00:06:22,921 Hey, hey, hey. Play it by ear. 138 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,510 So anyway, me and the teacher are back in the classroom, 139 00:06:32,723 --> 00:06:35,213 getting into it, right on the desk. 140 00:06:35,474 --> 00:06:38,758 I look up over the blackboard and I see the alphabet. 141 00:06:38,975 --> 00:06:41,643 You know, A is for "apple", B is for "balloon"... 142 00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:43,848 You get what I'm saying, right? 143 00:06:44,102 --> 00:06:46,887 Yes, I'm familiar with the alphabet. 144 00:06:47,103 --> 00:06:51,679 Right, so everything's going fine until I get to M, which is for "mommy." 145 00:06:51,938 --> 00:06:53,266 Oh, that was that, huh? 146 00:06:53,522 --> 00:06:56,011 I pushed through to walrus. 147 00:06:59,816 --> 00:07:01,973 Okay. See you guys later. 148 00:07:02,233 --> 00:07:04,224 Don't wanna be late for my date. 149 00:07:04,442 --> 00:07:06,315 Whoa, whoa, honey, that's what you're wearing? 150 00:07:06,568 --> 00:07:08,358 Yes. Why? 151 00:07:08,610 --> 00:07:12,522 You couldn't wear something that at least shows a little wrist? 152 00:07:14,195 --> 00:07:16,103 What do you suggest? 153 00:07:16,363 --> 00:07:18,403 Okay, we want something that says, "I'm attractive", 154 00:07:18,614 --> 00:07:20,334 but doesn't look like she's trying too hard. 155 00:07:20,531 --> 00:07:22,190 What about overalls and a tank top? 156 00:07:22,406 --> 00:07:25,571 It's too casual. Let's keep in mind, this is a dinner. 157 00:07:25,783 --> 00:07:28,189 I like this. 158 00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:29,908 That is my nightgown. 159 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:34,577 Well, how about like a skirt and a top? 160 00:07:34,786 --> 00:07:36,860 Okay, what do you see? What do you like? 161 00:07:37,078 --> 00:07:39,116 Oh, Moose, high-heeled boots. 162 00:07:39,329 --> 00:07:41,818 - We gotta get her into these. - All right, good, good. 163 00:07:42,038 --> 00:07:46,780 This sweater is nice, but how do you feel about navy? 164 00:07:46,998 --> 00:07:48,621 I'm not loving it. 165 00:07:48,832 --> 00:07:50,406 You got a Catholic school uniform-? 166 00:07:50,432 --> 00:07:52,354 Okay, that's it. Out! Get out! Get out! 167 00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:55,031 I will do it myself! Thank you very much. Goodbye. 168 00:07:55,251 --> 00:07:57,408 Thank you. Thank you. 169 00:07:57,626 --> 00:07:59,084 Make sure your bra and panties match. 170 00:07:59,294 --> 00:08:01,036 Get out! 171 00:08:08,838 --> 00:08:10,462 Where you going, honey? 172 00:08:10,672 --> 00:08:13,209 That cop who gave me a ticket asked me to have dinner with him. 173 00:08:13,465 --> 00:08:14,460 Really? 174 00:08:14,674 --> 00:08:16,748 Yeah. Good night, Daddy. 175 00:08:16,966 --> 00:08:19,004 Oh, my God. 176 00:08:19,884 --> 00:08:21,211 All right, now we're talking. 177 00:08:21,426 --> 00:08:23,417 Much better, huh? 178 00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:24,672 Very nice. 179 00:08:24,885 --> 00:08:26,427 I would do her. 180 00:08:27,136 --> 00:08:29,542 Huh, Richie would do you? 181 00:08:29,762 --> 00:08:31,718 Later on, remind me to head-butt you. 182 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,635 - Can I go now? - Yeah, yeah, you don't wanna be late. 183 00:08:35,847 --> 00:08:38,930 Just remember, be yourself, and also a little charming. 184 00:08:39,182 --> 00:08:41,753 That didn't come out right. 185 00:08:42,016 --> 00:08:43,178 Goodbye. 186 00:08:43,391 --> 00:08:44,766 Oh, wait! Oh, wait! 187 00:08:44,975 --> 00:08:46,552 Your wedding ring. 188 00:08:46,934 --> 00:08:49,602 Right. Well, I'm not taking it off. 189 00:08:49,852 --> 00:08:51,808 You can't go on a date wearing your wedding ring. 190 00:08:52,019 --> 00:08:53,596 It's kind of a turnoff. 191 00:08:54,478 --> 00:08:56,470 Well, then, fine, I'm not going. 192 00:08:56,688 --> 00:08:57,849 What? 193 00:08:58,063 --> 00:09:02,105 Doug, look, I got a ticket, I endangered lives: 194 00:09:02,314 --> 00:09:04,519 So I've been trying to be a good sport about this. 195 00:09:04,732 --> 00:09:07,601 But this ring is the most precious thing in the world to me, 196 00:09:07,816 --> 00:09:11,192 and I'm not gonna take it off to get out of some stupid traffic ticket. 197 00:09:11,229 --> 00:09:13,109 And I'll tell you something else, little Dougie, 198 00:09:13,276 --> 00:09:15,517 I'm a little aggravated that you would even want me to. 199 00:09:16,236 --> 00:09:18,986 All right, you're right. I'm sorry. I love you. 200 00:09:19,237 --> 00:09:20,481 So how'd you break your finger? 201 00:09:24,238 --> 00:09:27,273 Playing some hoop. Just throwing down. 202 00:09:27,531 --> 00:09:29,273 - That's gotta hurt. Yeah. - Oh, yeah. 203 00:09:29,490 --> 00:09:31,979 Listen, Carrie, thanks a lot for coming out tonight. 204 00:09:33,116 --> 00:09:35,949 Happy to talk about law firms. Anytime, anywhere. 205 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:39,448 I have a confession to make. That wasn't the only reason I called. 206 00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,070 I... 207 00:09:41,286 --> 00:09:43,324 I sort of wanted to see you again. 208 00:09:43,578 --> 00:09:44,573 Oh, that's nice. 209 00:09:44,787 --> 00:09:47,490 Do you think they have blintzes here? 210 00:09:47,746 --> 00:09:50,200 I've never actually asked out a woman I've pulled over before. 211 00:09:50,414 --> 00:09:52,072 I was really nervous when I called you. 212 00:09:52,873 --> 00:09:55,623 You didn't just say yes to get out of the ticket, did you? 213 00:09:59,125 --> 00:10:03,167 No, I didn't just say yes to get out of the ticket. 214 00:10:04,251 --> 00:10:06,051 But, hey, my insurance rates are gonna double, 215 00:10:06,252 --> 00:10:07,876 so if you're offering, buddy... 216 00:10:15,422 --> 00:10:19,002 So are you involved with anyone? 217 00:10:19,215 --> 00:10:20,210 You have a boyfriend? 218 00:10:21,299 --> 00:10:22,875 I'm sorry, what? 219 00:10:24,675 --> 00:10:26,334 Do you have a boyfriend? 220 00:10:28,384 --> 00:10:29,712 No. 221 00:10:29,927 --> 00:10:31,420 No boyfriend. 222 00:10:31,677 --> 00:10:32,708 Great. 223 00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:41,295 Hey, Arthur. 224 00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,094 Oh, my... 225 00:10:55,435 --> 00:10:58,517 Don't give her up without a fight, son. 226 00:11:03,771 --> 00:11:04,766 Get out! 227 00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:07,303 No, seriously, I didn't even read the guy's Miranda rights. 228 00:11:07,522 --> 00:11:09,242 Luckily, he didn't even know what they were. 229 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,814 Oh, my God. 230 00:11:17,025 --> 00:11:19,064 Well, this is me. 231 00:11:19,276 --> 00:11:20,604 Don't forget your ravioli. 232 00:11:20,818 --> 00:11:22,477 Thanks. 233 00:11:23,069 --> 00:11:24,776 Carrie, you know this was great. 234 00:11:24,986 --> 00:11:25,982 You know what I'll do? 235 00:11:26,195 --> 00:11:29,028 Why don't I call you tomorrow? Maybe we could do this again. 236 00:11:30,071 --> 00:11:33,070 Yeah-no-okay. 237 00:11:35,073 --> 00:11:36,152 So... 238 00:11:36,407 --> 00:11:38,030 So... 239 00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:42,314 Hey, good date, good date. 240 00:11:43,534 --> 00:11:46,403 Good night. I had a great time. 241 00:11:47,119 --> 00:11:48,742 Thank you, Jeffrey. 242 00:11:48,953 --> 00:11:50,529 Good night. 243 00:11:51,287 --> 00:11:53,361 Hey, drive carefully. 244 00:12:05,416 --> 00:12:06,412 I'm back. 245 00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,332 So? So tell me everything. 246 00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:11,210 What did he say? What did you say back? 247 00:12:13,044 --> 00:12:14,039 We had a good time. 248 00:12:14,253 --> 00:12:15,248 Yes! 249 00:12:15,461 --> 00:12:16,623 And here, leftovers. 250 00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:18,585 Yes! 251 00:12:21,380 --> 00:12:23,667 So, what about the ticket? Did he mention it at all? 252 00:12:23,922 --> 00:12:25,036 Yeah. 253 00:12:25,256 --> 00:12:27,924 I was trying to feel him out, but he just laughed. 254 00:12:28,132 --> 00:12:31,001 He laughed? Was it like a I'm-not-gonna-show-up-in-court laugh, 255 00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:33,966 or more of a nice-try- but-you're-not-getting-off laugh? 256 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,342 I don't know, I was too busy with my: 257 00:12:36,552 --> 00:12:40,167 Gee-I-hope-this-guy- doesn't-try-to-sleep-with-me chuckle. 258 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:44,250 I'm just trying to get a gauge of where he's at, that's all. 259 00:12:44,888 --> 00:12:46,879 So, what did he think of your outfit? 260 00:12:47,097 --> 00:12:48,092 I don't know. 261 00:12:48,306 --> 00:12:50,131 Come on, it's important. 262 00:12:50,348 --> 00:12:53,631 - He said I looked beautiful, okay? - Yeah, up top! 263 00:12:56,225 --> 00:12:58,465 Need to be careful with my broken finger. 264 00:12:59,518 --> 00:13:01,358 Got to admit, that was a great idea I had, huh? 265 00:13:01,852 --> 00:13:03,049 It was Richie's idea. 266 00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:06,144 No, Richie suggested we break your finger. 267 00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:10,143 That was my jumping-off point. 268 00:13:10,646 --> 00:13:12,933 So sounds like things are going pretty good, huh? 269 00:13:13,147 --> 00:13:14,391 Yeah, really good, Doug. 270 00:13:14,648 --> 00:13:18,892 I tricked a sweet, unsuspecting guy into liking me. 271 00:13:19,107 --> 00:13:22,023 When he calls tomorrow, I'm just gonna tell him the truth. 272 00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:23,649 What? No. 273 00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:25,691 Doug, he's a really nice guy. 274 00:13:25,943 --> 00:13:27,733 He's not a nice guy. He's a copper. The fuzz. 275 00:13:27,944 --> 00:13:30,018 He'd throw you in jail as soon as look at you. 276 00:13:31,736 --> 00:13:33,395 Stop it. 277 00:13:33,654 --> 00:13:35,859 Carrie, come on, please, you're killing me here. 278 00:13:36,071 --> 00:13:37,481 We're so close. 279 00:13:37,697 --> 00:13:40,861 The court date is next week. Just avoid his calls until then. 280 00:13:41,115 --> 00:13:43,155 - I don't know. - Forty-five hundred dollars a year. 281 00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,565 And it wasn't even your fault. 282 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,857 That school bus with all the distracting stickers. 283 00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,365 I mean, I'm against drugs, but at what cost, really? 284 00:13:52,285 --> 00:13:55,568 - All right, I'll string him along. - Attagirl. 285 00:13:55,786 --> 00:13:58,785 I just hate playing with this guy's feelings like this. 286 00:13:58,995 --> 00:14:01,745 I hear you. God. 287 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,910 Here I am eating ravioli he paid for. You think that's easy for me? 288 00:14:15,126 --> 00:14:16,204 Hey, Dad. 289 00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:18,118 Hi, sweetheart. 290 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,125 You have no new messages. 291 00:14:25,963 --> 00:14:26,993 Anybody call? 292 00:14:27,255 --> 00:14:28,250 Nope. 293 00:14:28,464 --> 00:14:31,416 Why? You expecting a call from someone in particular? 294 00:14:32,673 --> 00:14:34,830 Oh, yeah. The cop said he'd call me. 295 00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:37,965 Carrie, sit down. We need to talk. 296 00:14:38,508 --> 00:14:40,085 Okay. 297 00:14:40,301 --> 00:14:41,877 What's up? 298 00:14:42,093 --> 00:14:45,127 Honey, I know Doug has his shortcomings. 299 00:14:45,344 --> 00:14:46,718 I've assumed for a while 300 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:50,970 that he wasn't satisfying all your needs. 301 00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:53,127 What? 302 00:14:53,638 --> 00:14:56,922 Look, I never talked to you very much about sex, and that's my fault. 303 00:14:57,140 --> 00:14:58,846 That's gonna change, I promise. 304 00:14:59,682 --> 00:15:02,764 But Doug is a good man. He is! 305 00:15:03,767 --> 00:15:05,474 Oh, you think the cop and I are...? 306 00:15:05,726 --> 00:15:07,349 No, Dad, that's not for real. 307 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,930 I just went to dinner with him to get out of that ticket. 308 00:15:10,186 --> 00:15:13,054 You don't have to shield me from this. I'm a big boy. 309 00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:14,426 I'm telling you the truth. 310 00:15:14,687 --> 00:15:15,682 You're shutting me out! 311 00:15:15,896 --> 00:15:17,519 For God's sakes, take a look at yourself! 312 00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:20,729 You're pale, you're gaunt, you sleep the whole day! 313 00:15:20,939 --> 00:15:22,729 You're killing yourself! 314 00:15:24,565 --> 00:15:27,137 Oh, wait, that's my drug speech. 315 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,605 Give me ten minutes. 316 00:15:43,530 --> 00:15:45,153 Hello? 317 00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:48,602 No, there's no Brenda here. 318 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,907 Yeah, that's okay. Bye. 319 00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:54,147 Hey, hon. 320 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:57,034 - Hey, Carrie. - Hi. 321 00:15:59,202 --> 00:16:00,825 She okay? 322 00:16:01,036 --> 00:16:05,196 No, Richie, I am not okay, because all men are pigs. 323 00:16:07,746 --> 00:16:10,070 You mind if I make a sandwich? 324 00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:11,740 Fine. 325 00:16:11,956 --> 00:16:13,200 So he still hasn't called? 326 00:16:13,415 --> 00:16:15,620 No, and it's been three days. 327 00:16:15,832 --> 00:16:18,404 Yikes. I hope he's just been busy. 328 00:16:18,625 --> 00:16:21,079 You know, why'd he say he's gonna call if he's not gonna call? 329 00:16:21,292 --> 00:16:22,454 What is it with you guys? 330 00:16:22,709 --> 00:16:25,412 You didn't have a good time, fine, just don't say you're gonna call. 331 00:16:25,627 --> 00:16:27,168 Hate that. 332 00:16:30,129 --> 00:16:32,914 I should've let him order the wine. 333 00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,039 What do you care? It was a fake date. 334 00:16:35,297 --> 00:16:37,833 He didn't know that. 335 00:16:38,048 --> 00:16:40,917 I just keep going over it again and again in my head. 336 00:16:41,132 --> 00:16:43,419 I mean, we had a really good time. 337 00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:47,000 I was funny. I was on, you know? 338 00:16:47,218 --> 00:16:49,043 I even told him my Uncle Frank story. 339 00:16:49,302 --> 00:16:50,759 You told him the Uncle Frank story? 340 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,841 No wonder he's not calling. 341 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:55,420 What? It's a funny story. 342 00:16:55,637 --> 00:16:58,173 He burns his lips on the pizza tray. That's not funny? 343 00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:01,382 Yeah, an old man with burnt lips. Very funny. 344 00:17:01,639 --> 00:17:03,677 Well, you laughed when I told it to you. 345 00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:07,594 Yeah, it was our fifth date. I was trying to, you know, get a go at you. 346 00:17:09,308 --> 00:17:11,098 So why isn't he? 347 00:17:11,351 --> 00:17:13,389 You should've worn the nightgown. 348 00:17:13,643 --> 00:17:15,350 Oh, shut up. 349 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:21,262 I guess I'm just boring and ugly and destined to end up alone. 350 00:17:24,313 --> 00:17:26,269 You know, with you. 351 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:29,016 All right, where does that leave us? 352 00:17:29,231 --> 00:17:32,930 He dropped 50 bucks and he had to suffer through your stories, 353 00:17:33,149 --> 00:17:34,669 so he's gonna show up in court tomorrow 354 00:17:34,858 --> 00:17:36,766 and probably not in a good mood. 355 00:17:37,026 --> 00:17:38,732 - Doug. - What? 356 00:17:38,985 --> 00:17:41,652 I'm feeling rejected and insecure and you don't even care. 357 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,141 No, I do, I do, I do. Come here. 358 00:17:43,361 --> 00:17:46,775 You're great and it's his loss. 359 00:17:47,362 --> 00:17:49,188 Moose, I don't know what you're worried about. 360 00:17:49,405 --> 00:17:50,485 If this cop ain't into her, 361 00:17:50,697 --> 00:17:53,021 there ain't no way that he's gonna show up for court. 362 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,148 What do you mean? 363 00:17:57,616 --> 00:17:59,496 I mean, that if you go out on a date with a girl 364 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:02,782 and you blow her off after one date, you definitely don't wanna run into her. 365 00:18:02,993 --> 00:18:03,988 It's awkward. 366 00:18:04,243 --> 00:18:05,950 You're right. He's right. You're right. 367 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,320 He's never gonna show up in court. He doesn't like you. 368 00:18:08,536 --> 00:18:11,452 He's blowing you off! Yeah, up high! 369 00:18:15,955 --> 00:18:17,911 Can we just go? We're gonna be late. 370 00:18:18,123 --> 00:18:20,114 Let's just review one more time. 371 00:18:21,415 --> 00:18:26,572 I was behind the school bus driving ten to 12 miles an hour, 372 00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:28,908 reading, and agreeing with, 373 00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:33,115 an anti-drug message on the back windows, 374 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:36,293 when suddenly, the sunlight reflected off the stickers 375 00:18:36,504 --> 00:18:38,661 and momentarily blinded me. 376 00:18:38,879 --> 00:18:42,246 Fearing the bus may stop suddenly, I thought it best to swerve-- 377 00:18:42,506 --> 00:18:46,252 No, no, not swerve. Navigate. 378 00:18:47,632 --> 00:18:51,544 To navigate around it so as to not cause injury 379 00:18:51,759 --> 00:18:54,923 to the precious cargo on board, the children. 380 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:56,816 Yeah, just don't forget to take that pause 381 00:18:57,010 --> 00:19:00,507 before you say "the children." 382 00:19:00,762 --> 00:19:02,006 Let's go. 383 00:19:05,930 --> 00:19:07,423 Hello? 384 00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:09,222 Who's calling? 385 00:19:09,431 --> 00:19:11,138 It's him. 386 00:19:13,182 --> 00:19:14,213 Who is this? 387 00:19:14,474 --> 00:19:16,880 This is Carrie's brother, Doug. 388 00:19:17,142 --> 00:19:18,256 Hey, Doug, is she there? 389 00:19:18,517 --> 00:19:20,722 Sure she is, just a second. 390 00:19:20,977 --> 00:19:22,683 Car? 391 00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:26,429 Tell him I'll call him back when I get a chance. 392 00:19:26,645 --> 00:19:29,313 Come on, Carrie, there's a lot of money involved here. 393 00:19:29,521 --> 00:19:31,643 Try to get a feel whether he's coming to court or not. 394 00:19:31,897 --> 00:19:34,849 Still trying to find her. 395 00:19:35,106 --> 00:19:38,105 Hey, Doug, just tell her, please, that I'm sorry that I haven't called. 396 00:19:38,316 --> 00:19:40,603 I had to go undercover on a drug stakeout. 397 00:19:40,858 --> 00:19:42,055 Oh, okay. 398 00:19:42,317 --> 00:19:44,688 He hasn't called because he's been on a stakeout. 399 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:49,147 And I suppose there are no phones on this stakeout? 400 00:19:49,403 --> 00:19:51,773 No, they're not. They're not allowed to make personal calls. 401 00:19:51,987 --> 00:19:54,274 I saw it on a show. 402 00:19:55,071 --> 00:19:57,062 Come on, take it. 403 00:20:00,156 --> 00:20:01,436 Hello? 404 00:20:01,657 --> 00:20:02,901 Hey, you. 405 00:20:03,115 --> 00:20:06,114 I was just telling your brother there that the reason I hadn't called 406 00:20:06,325 --> 00:20:08,565 is because I was on a stakeout. 407 00:20:08,784 --> 00:20:10,491 A stakeout, huh? 408 00:20:10,701 --> 00:20:12,657 How's that? 409 00:20:12,869 --> 00:20:16,401 Not so good, actually. I almost got shot. 410 00:20:17,995 --> 00:20:20,947 Give him something. Come on. 411 00:20:21,163 --> 00:20:23,913 I'm glad you didn't get shot. 412 00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:26,696 Thanks. I was... 413 00:20:26,915 --> 00:20:30,992 Carrie, I was wondering if maybe you'd wanna go out again sometime. 414 00:20:32,208 --> 00:20:33,536 He wants to go out again. 415 00:20:33,792 --> 00:20:36,495 Set a date for this weekend, then after court, you'll cancel. 416 00:20:38,294 --> 00:20:40,451 I think I could do something on... 417 00:20:40,669 --> 00:20:41,665 Hello? 418 00:20:41,878 --> 00:20:43,336 Hello? 419 00:20:43,545 --> 00:20:45,999 Dad? Dad, what are you doing? 420 00:20:46,213 --> 00:20:50,078 I hit the auto-dial button, I can't stop it. 421 00:20:50,298 --> 00:20:53,878 Okay, hang up, I'm on an important call. 422 00:20:54,091 --> 00:20:55,584 Is it that guy? 423 00:20:55,799 --> 00:20:57,874 That home wrecker? 424 00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,539 Leave her alone, bub! 425 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,046 She's married! 426 00:21:05,011 --> 00:21:06,801 You're married? 427 00:21:07,595 --> 00:21:09,421 Yeah. 428 00:21:09,637 --> 00:21:11,794 But no boyfriend. 429 00:21:16,681 --> 00:21:20,546 Wow, he really made a point of showing up, didn't he? 430 00:21:20,766 --> 00:21:23,220 I think he got his uniform pressed. 431 00:21:23,434 --> 00:21:26,101 And that speech he gave on the witness stand. 432 00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,679 It was so passionate. 433 00:21:27,893 --> 00:21:30,465 I mean, I was against you by the end of it. 434 00:21:31,770 --> 00:21:34,638 But you know what? I mean, it's just money. 435 00:21:34,854 --> 00:21:36,929 The important thing is that we get to sleep 436 00:21:37,146 --> 00:21:38,723 in each other's arms every night. 437 00:21:38,980 --> 00:21:43,972 And in a certain way, that makes us the richest people on earth. 438 00:21:44,732 --> 00:21:46,807 You suck at driving. 439 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:05,939 Go. Go. 440 00:22:06,156 --> 00:22:07,436 Love each other.